I know now that I chose to incarnate in this expression, this lifetime, as a Black woman, who was born and brought up in South Africa, during the years of White South Africa’s regime of Apartheid.
I also know now, hard as it may seem to others, depending on their experiences, that I chose that Apartheid regime to live under. I chose South Africa’s apartheid system. I chose to be the one looked down upon, by the system of Apartheid, as not worthy, not good enough, not deserving anything good, to be called a kaffir by some whites, and my job prospects, very limited, and to probably only work as a domestic servant for white people in South Africa. To see and accept that the whites of South Africa were superior to me in many ways.
Why did I choose a life of poverty, struggles and suffering? Well my soul, my super consciousness, my real self, chose this life as a path that would serve me, in my spiritual growth and expansion. To get closer to the Love of the Creator. How long it took, didn’t matter. The most important thing to my Super Consciousness was that I learn to release and remove myself from, blame, fear, hate, resentment, not good enough, not worthy, not deserving anything good at all.
My Soul knew that I was going to go through many painful episodes in my life which included the very dark feelings and despair, as well as rising above all the emotional struggles, suffering and embracing Love. Knowing that I am a Divine being. And that everyone is Divine. That we each have a Divine spark of God’s light of pureness, within us, regardless of what we may be doing or being. Every situation, however hard and painful it may be, brings us closer and closer to the Creator’s Love.
I also know that I have lived other lives where I was oppressed, just like I was in South Africa, in this lifetime. This tells me that my Soul, my Super Consciousness, chose Apartheid South Africa as a final University for my spiritual journey, where I would go through all the lower vibrations of fear, anger, hate, resentment, ultimately into forgiveness, love, peace and harmony.
Every moment in my life is filled with choices. The choices I make lead me to ease and sometimes to challenges. What I am learning on my journey is that there are no accidents. Everything happens for a reason and purpose. It is up to me to seek within me, what the reason and purpose is.
I am also learning to NOT blame myself anymore. But to love and accept myself as I am, in each and every moment. To be deeply grateful for all my experiences because they have helped me to be where I am in this moment.
During the time when I felt that I was not good enough, because I was told by the Apartheid regime of South Africa that because of the colour of my skin, I was not good enough, I actually believed that illusion. I believed that only a white person was given by GOD, all the brains and know how. What an illusion!
The church I went to, growing up at Makhanya, was a Methodist church at Nyaka. This was in the district of Umzimkhulu, which was in the Eastern Cape region, during that time, and now it is the region of KwaZulu Natal. In that church, the pictures on the walls, depicted GOD as a White old man with a long white beard. The Angels were all White. Satan was a Black man with horns, and a long tail. He stood holding a huge fork, in front of a fire with wild flames. Inside the flames were faces of black people, some of them children of no more than twelve years old, screaming.
These images, that I am writing about in this moment, used to scare me. They were on the church walls, on the instructions of the head missionaries of the Methodist Church that my family belonged to. In hindsight, it is very easy to see that the purpose of these pictures was to brainwash us. The pictures were removed after church, from the walls because the same church hall, was used as classroom during the week. I don’t know how the other children of my age, at that time, who attended the same church as me, felt and thought of the images on the wall. I thought that only Black people sinned, and White people in GOD’s eyes did not sin.
So, I never liked going to church. I was happy when I didn’t have to go to church. I kept the frightening thoughts to myself and never asked or questioned anything to do with church and God. I remember once, I asked: “Where did God come from?” I was immediately told: “You never ask that question, and Do Not!” And I thought I had just committed the biggest sin, that would lead me the Black Satan with his huge fork, horns and a tail.
I know now that I am not the colour of my skin. My colour is gorgeous and does not define me. Only my heart is the core, my first brain, really, because this is where Love resides in me. Fear and the system of Apartheid belonged together. Peace, love, happiness, is what my heart and the Creator have been waiting for me, to realise that the South African Apartheid system was an illusion and hell that was not of God’s Love. It was a system based on Fear and Greed and No compassion whatsoever!
We were all the co-creators of that system, whether we like to hear this or not. I chose to be born there in order to later see what a destructive illusion, to Black people’s lives, it was. Before we were born, we enthusiastically chose to be born there because we were the Masters of Love. We thought that we would soon raise the vibration of the country of South Africa in order for oneness and harmony to prevail. However, we never realised that we would go through a period of amnesia, forgetting what we thought we were coming to South Africa for. Instead we fell deeply into the darkness that the country was in. We followed the rules, struggled, felt victimised and forgetting that those who were our worst enemies, in this lifetime, may just have been our best friends in the Heavens, the Inner Planes.
It is all, always about reaching for the Love of the Creator. Wanting to embody the Love of the Creator, in spite of all my experiences. This is what my life is about. The picture of the Black-Man-Satan, was also part of my learning and realising that it was there as a way to brainwash me into believing in my unworthiness instead of worthiness, not good enough instead of more than good enough and brilliant, and a sinner as a Black person instead of a Gorgeous, Brilliant, Wonderful Divine Being born perfect without sin at all. Born a Sinner being a creation of those who wanted to keep me for centuries in fear and limitations.
Life is Good. It is forever evolving. I am thankful for each and every experience in my journey.